I am so tired I could fall over and it's only 9:30.
But this is a momentous day-- we actually invited a couple from the church over to our house. And they were really cool and I should have done this AGES ago. You know when you spend a good 30 minutes together making fun of the new primary songs that you have truly found kindred spirits.
And I don't know why it took so long. I think I have a hard time being "on" for people I don't know. When it's finally Sunday, I just want to spend all day in my underwear reading, not entertaining people. So, it's my delightful and charming blend of laziness and hermit-ism that has kept me from having friends.
That said, we have lived here for an entire year and have not had one single opportunity to interact with this couple. It sounds awful, but I invited them to my house solely on "resume"--knowing she was a law student and he was a stay at home dad. The only reason I knew this is because of extensive sleuthing. I went out of my way to ask people if there were any female professionals or law students in the ward (not that I HAVE to be friends with lawyers, but it's nice to have something to work with). And after months we FINALLY figured out who they were, the fact that they were stuck in Sunbeams (our words, not theirs), and the fact that they have a toddler. And months after that I finally got the balls to invite them over.
I feel like I really shouldn't be THIS difficult to get to know people at church. We've had a total of ONE social activity in this ward, and it was great. But once every year is not going to cut it. And yes, of course the focus of church shouldn't be the social aspect. But when I know that no one will even notice that I'm skipping, it doesn't fill me with the drive to go. Especially when I know we'll be discussing something totally peripheral and non-uplifting. *CoughReliefSocietyCough*
I'm totally in support of reducing church to two hours and adding a social hour with pastries at the end. A friend from my office asked me to go to her Wednesday night church meeting and it has frankly been the most spiritual meeting of the week. On Wednesdays we focus on Jesus, we eat, we socialize, we discuss. Wouldn't it be lovely if our church cut the fat and we spent more time 1) talking about Christ and 2) getting to know one another? We could have a community of saints. Not just a bunch of people who go and hear the same stuff over and over.
Anyway, I am thrilled we got to know people. I just wish it happened 11 long and lonely months earlier.
3 comments:
a) GREAT JOB! Finding normal friends in one's ward is like striking gold.
b) I completely advocate having randoms over, even if/when they end up being awful. A major highlight of living away from our extended families is that we can do whatever we want for Sunday dinner, and that usually means having randoms over. Half the time it's awesome and half the time it's a flop, but when you do it enough, even the flops are funny.
c) I sustain your two hours + pastries motion.
I agree with gurrbonzo. I also advocate inviting the randoms. We've had successes and flops. If nothing else, it makes for fun reading in your diary after you chronicle the awkward.
The activities I have liked best are the ones that are mildly orchestrated but in a way that helps you get to know people. I used to hate it when the color of your nametag dictated what table you sat at but now I realize that it forces you not to always sit with your pals/ forces other people to sit with you instead of THEIR clique and then you're less lonely. Our best activities ahve been getting to know you, where you sit down at a table and are given a bunch of prompts to ask questions around the table and eat cookies. Awesome.
I think it is hard to make friends when you don't have kids. I don't have toys to make my house fun for kids, it certainly isn't a safe place and therefore moms have to be on guard and etnertainment duty, while I quietly freak out as my possessions are endangered. My goal for the summer is to start orchestrating picnics at the local park, that way kids can run wild, I can meet parents and everyone is happy.
I'm with Mhana on the "quietly freak[ing] out as my possessions are endangered." We invited a couple from our ward the other day (they're both younger than us) and they told Em that they were going to get a babysitter. Well... they didn't. The kid is way cute, but I had not sufficiently kid-proofed some of my things, and said kid was into my stuff pretty quick. Nothing too terrible, but I'll prepare better next time. They're a nice couple and they just live down the street. Still, it's been hard being childless at our "advanced" ages because it seems like EVERY DAMN ACTIVITY revolves around kids. For the love... can't we just have adult time every once in a while?!?
I doubt we'll ever see church trimmed to three hours, but I would LOVE if we could get rid of all the worthless meetings that can literally be avoided with a few emails. There's nothing worse than getting up early for a 9 a.m. meeting when church doesn't even start until 1 p.m. Blargh.
I find the most difficult thing about making friends in the ward is that Em and I rarely like both people in a couple. Either the husband is a total douche or the wife is (as my wife describes it) a "dead-behind-the-eyes" Molly Mormon who acts like she's still 14 years old. So many times, it's both... but we don't even bother with those folks.
So... yeah, it's tough.
But... good for you for stepping out and finding people with whom you will have the most compatibility. That's all you can do. :)
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