Our House Has Elevators!

Well, we spent most of the weekend moving into the Italian guy's apartment on the 20th floor of a housing high rise in Sheng Wan. He conveniently decided to leave for the month of June and rent his apartment to us in the mean time. It's fairly huge by Hong Kong standards. It has 2 bedrooms, a main room, a bathroom, and a shoebox of a kitchen. We're delighted to have it and to cook real food, but the place has definitely got it's quirks.

1. It's a bachelor pad. The furniture is 70% discount bin at IKEA, 30% yard sale. This in itself isn't so bad, but as I look around the rooms, I get the feeling that this combo is an attempt at decoration. The ABSOLUT Vodka bottle with synthetic pussywillows on the stark white tables is the centerpiece of the main room, while the bathroom has a more modern, construction site look with its bright orange shower curtain and matching bath rug. The second bedroom is my favorite. There is a twin sized bed (we will discuss beds at length later) with what appears to be warped plywood as its mattress. The window is covered with a fitted sheet that has been fashioned into a makeshift curtain simply by cutting a silt cut down the middle. No kidding. East meets West as floral toss pillows from grandma's house speckle the bed against the large cushions with asian lettering. Finally, there's not much to say about the master bedroom except that there's a weird banana sticker on the curtain, and the bed (which deserves its own section).

2. His collections. This guy is a serious collector, and I don't mean of stamps or rare coins. He has piles of used razors that he has yet to throw away in his bathroom. They are located next to the Miniature Toothpastes from Airplanes gallery. And finally, there is his lighter collections. I haven't counted yet, but this dude owns more lighters than the entire city of Eugene. This is odd because the apartment does not smell like cigarettes or marijuana at all. Most of the lighters are your average loud-colored Bic style, but he's got a few classy metal ones with hot babes emblazoned in etching.

3. The water heater. I have never in my life seen anything like it. After extensive internet research, I have concluded that it is a tankless or "on the fly" water heater. The fact that its scary bunny logo watches me as I bathe is probably the most charming of its features. The machine is absolutely incomprehensible. There are nobs and buttons, but not one of them is intuitive to use. For example, the nob with the water drop neither turns water on, nor off. Then there's the "Z" zig zag setting. I still have no idea what either of these do. Then there is the dot. This one, I think, turns the pilot light off. I actually took an entire semester worth of psychology studying human interaction with machines and this sucker breaks every rule in the book. Anyhow, after one brief skin-scalding second in the shower I thrashed wildly at the machine until it stopped. What followed was 10 seconds of pleasantly warm water before it turned ice cold--a difficult feat in Hong Kong, might I add. Logan and I spent the next hour trying to figure out what the buttons did, and to re-light the pilot light. In short, our attempts were fruitless, and today I have greasy hair.

4. The contents of the refrigerator. This part is sort of cute, so I'm putting my sarcasm on hold. When we first looked at the apartment he lamented that he hated chinese food, but that it was difficult to cook in his tiny kitchen. He persisted only to make Italian food, he told us with a glint of longing for his home country in his eyes. Well, he wasn't kidding. I opened the fridge and there were authentic pastas and six half-used jars of various pasta sauces. None of them were cream based, because, as he told us in our food discussion, "I will giva you-a shock. Fettuccine alfredo DOESN'T exist!" His freezer contained one item: an enormous brick of Parmesan cheese. While he told us to feel free to use his cleaning products, he didn't mention the cheese...so I'm begrudgingly keeping my hands off of it for now.

5. The bed. Exploring the apartment alone for the first time, I went to test the bed, and I think I may have broken my tail bone. It was rock hard. I am not exaggerating, you could crack an egg on it. The dance floor at the Crystal Ballroom in Portland had more spring than that thing. Finally we set out to investigate, and we found the problem. On top of the nice deluxe IKEA mattress was an inflexible wooden board, about one inch thick, covered with mattress fabric. I guess the Italians have learned to live on rocky soil, but I didn't think they would sleep on it. Needless to say, we have removed the mattress "pad" and are sleeping quite comfortably.

But really, the apartment is quite enjoyable. We feel a bit more at home for the first time, and our eating habits have greatly improved. The view is amazing, and there is air conditioning and a dehumidifier. All in all, we've got a great set up. Now, if only I could figure out how to shower....