What do you get when you cross a grumpy Maret with her computer? A ranty blog post! Yaaaay!
We're well overdue for one of these. Let's entitle this one: Weddings.
My sister's wedding was earlier this month at our family cabin. Our family put quite a bit of effort into making it a swinging bash, and it was. The bride was beautiful, the flowers were amazing, the ceremony was brief. Who could ask for anything more?
How about an RSVP? 30 extra unexpected people showed up, nearly doubling the original expected guest size.
And Mormons, I'm looking in your direction when I say that when you show up to a wedding, you better have a damn good excuse to leave before the cake is cut. It's understood in every other culture that you're there to celebrate and relax and meet people. If the wedding is just one more item on your to-do list, save yourself the drive and don't come. Seriously. Don't come.
Is this just because our weddings lack booze? Why is it that people think it's okay to drop in and leave whenever they please? If we wanted an open house we would have specified as much. It's not a fast food restaurant. It's a wedding. Show some respect.
Finally--wedding questions. I've already published a list of impertinent questions/comments, but I think I'd like to add to that list here:
1. Don't ask the bride if it's okay for you to leave early. Honestly. Why do you need to make your failing as a civilized human HER problem on the most important day of her life?
2. Don't ask the couple or any other person, for that matter, when they're going to have kids. Don't hint it. Don't jokey-joke it. It's not cute. It's awful.
3. Mormons--if any portion of the wedding attire is not garment-approved, be sure to make comments about it as loudly as possible so we all know which judgmental ass-hats to avoid in the future.
4. Wedding planners--when the sister of the bride comments on how much fun this is, don't try to garner more business by suggesting that she can use your services when she "gets remarried." I'm not so naive to think that the 55% divorce rate could never touch me, but I'm pretty damned happily married, and that's just a weird thing to say to a currently-married person. As if she put a voo-doo hex upon our union to gain some future profit. Awwwwkward.
And one final, gentle reminder. Unless you were paid to be the wedding photographer, you are not the wedding photographer. Feel free to take pictures, but do not interfere with the ACTUAL photographer's work. Snapping family pictures at these things is like herding cats anyway. Don't make it worse by demanding that everyone "look at you" when the EXPENSIVE, TRAINED, TALENTED photographer is trying to get everyone to look at her.
4 comments:
This is only slightly related but I was at BR two weeks ago buying a dress and the girl at the counter noticed my wedding ring. She asked me if I was married and (while analyzing my ID so I could get tax exemption) siad wow, you're barely older than me but that's so young to be married! Then she asked how long we'd been married and if we were happy. Nosy much? I replied that we would be married 2 years in August and that we were very happy. Then she has the audacity to aske me "did you get married because you were pregnant?"
Seriously?? What would she have done if I had said yes? I really wanted to tell her all the reasons why she was being wildly inappropriate but opted for just leaving the store shaking my head. People are sometimes idots when it comes to weddings and babies.
The wedding planner thought is unbelievable! When Trevor and I were taking our wedding photos in downtown Portland we ACTUALLY had a lawyer walk up to us in the middle of the photo shoot and hand us her card giving us the current divorce statistic. Really? Who does that? People are tacky. I'm glad the wedding was beautiful!
My grandpa, though I love him, was the one screaming at me to look at him while our photographer who was paid by the hour was trying to shoot. I finally yelled at him and he sulked away.
I'm really sorry for the asshats. That was quite a bit of social awfulness even for a wedding.
I will tell you the main reaso lds guests suck. Because most lds weddings suck. The food usually sucks and the entertainment is usually a slide show so of course you make other plans. How long can you nibble peanuts? Im sure yours wa great but lds people don't go expecting to have a good time because they usually don't and it isnt the booze. As for leaving before cake. I only did once but it was because they waited hours and hours to get to it. It was outdoors and dark and half the guests were gone. I was actually mifed I kept waiting and waiting for cake and they never cut. I hate iPad typing. Sorry about typos
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