Maybe it's reading all these rules of criminal law and evidence, but I've lately been incredibly paranoid to answer my own door. It may also be because we don't have a peep hole. Any way, every time our doorbell (which sounds like an out of tune xylophone) rings, my first step is to run through the mental list of possible visitors. Then I call for Olive, my faithful (though far from furious) puppy. She accompanies me to the door, where her purpose is to look mean and intimidating, but she fails every time. Though she's jet black and solid muscle and teeth, she's always wagging her tail and panting like an idiot. The cat is far more surly, but has the musculature of a jellyfish. It seems the pets just don't pull their weight around the house anymore. Olive occasionally does the dishes, but Mrs. R has been so depressed since we shaved her, that she just forms a lazy puddle on the couch.
In short, I'm thinking of getting an evil garden gnome to ward off visitors.
3 comments:
Well you could probably prevent return visitors by being incredibly rude to people, but that won't put people off the first time. Planting poison oak would work provided they were watching for it but otherwise, still might not prevent a first-time visit. There's always firearms -- you have your constitutional right to bear them. You could get a peephole, or one of those chains that allows you to open the door a few inches but would help deter someone shoving himself (or herself, let's not be sexist about felonies) into your home. Good luck. My solution was moving 5000 miles away. No knockers on my door yet.
I'm thinking that Logan should install a peep hole for you. You never know what crazy people are hiding in your bushes.
Going back to an earlier post, I'm thinking you should work on being a writer...use all this knowledge that you've gained and write a best seller novel. You've got a unique style.
I've found that racking a shotgun on the other side of the door generally gets rid of most guests, wanted or otherwise.
(Oh, and my captcha is "worst". How freaking awesome is that?)
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