Logan and I had occasion to visit Sportsman's Warehouse this afternoon to decide whether or not we should exchange our nifty binocular gift from the rents (who incidentally read this, so sorry...but I figured you kept the receipt in the box for a reason). In any case, rest assured that we liked the binoculars. Heavens knows I have voyeuristic tendencies--what with my facebook stalking and blog stalking. When we were in Hong Kong we would even turn out all the lights in our apartment just to spy on the neighbors. Unfortunately the coolest things we saw was a mother tucking in her two children and a couple watching TV. They had a very nice living room, incidentally. The point is that perhaps actual binoculars might tip the balance from being a social stalker to a full-on creepo.
Besides, there were so many things we wanted--no, needed from Sportsman's Warehouse. To help us figure out what we should buy, I present to you this list of things we found and considered:
1. Various taxidermied animal heads. I was particularly fond of the moose head which just screamed "Mrs. R's new favorite snuggle spot." Logan, however was torn between the small and subtle billy goat head to mount over our bed, and an stuffed Cheetah on a papier mache rock. I told him that either one would likely inspire more animalistic action in the bedroom.
2. A portable camping toilet. Why dig a hole and bury when you can show off those turds to the next user? Though the portable camping toilet may appear to be a just a large cylindrical tupperware, its size and shape make it double as a gatorade cooler for ward parties and the like.
3. Nipple Grease. I had no idea Sportsman's Warhouse was THAT kinda store, but apparently it's in the back next to the rifles. Kinky.
4. Stylish goggle/glasses that said "One point twentyone gigawatts!?"
5. A sexy and functional hunter camo tank top--for when you want to attract men without scaring off the animals.
6. Absolutely precious wall art for the downstairs bathroom. It depicts a little boy's naked bum as he relieves himself into floral bushes painted by Thomas Kinkade's less talented brother. Breathtaking. The way the artist captured the light glinting though the lifelike stream of urine was what really sold me on this one.
7. Elk Urine air freshener. Apparently it's used for hunting to attract Elk, but I think it could do wonders in Logan's car.
As you can tell, we really have some tough decisions to make, so any help you could offer would be appreciated. Who knows--maybe you'll be the next to sit on our portable camping toilet???
3 comments:
Clearly, we need to take a Geek Out Night field trip to Cabela's.
I've never been, but my understanding is that it is the Disneyland to Sportsman's Warehouse's California Adventure park.
Well, you know me... I'm all about the "crazy, wild-eyed old man who claims to be a scientist" look, so the goggles would be tempting.
But... you just never know when you're going to NEED to attract a real-life elk.
I don't envy your decision.
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