I'm a lover of terrible movies, provided they're mockable. Fortunately my friends share a love of terrible films. This is why, when neither of us felt like working on Friday, Mhana and I ventured to the matinee of The Vow. It looks like it should be a Nicholas Sparks adaptation but it's actually based on the true story of a woman who loses her memory such that she cannot remember her life with her husband of the last five years.
We spend the majority of the movie watching Rachel McAdams confused over her life's choices to marry a free spirited, half-naked Channing Tatum, own an art studio, and have artsy friends. Her memory loss brought her back to a time when she thought she should be in law school, marry a douche bag, and live in upper-class Caucasian suburbia. An oft-shirtless Channing Tatum tries to rekindle her memory by helping her live her hipster lifestyle. The ending is just IMPOSSIBLE to predict.
After the film, Mhana and I talked about what it would be like if we lost our memory to a time before we met our husbands. We imagined how our husbands would try to rekindle our memories--and we figured it would involve marathon TV sessions of Arrested Development and 30 Rock. "This is what we like to do? Watch TV?" And he would have to respond "yeah...pretty much."
My retrograde amnesia would go back 7 years to when I was in college at the U of O. I was a psych major and I was pretty sure I would do some graduate school. I liked nerdy guys and had recently broken up with two of them--two because I seemed to be dating them in turns.
If asked then to predict where I would be in 7 years--I was pretty sure I was going to marry rich, tall, dark, and handsome--which, before you flog me was an idea my father implanted into my impressionable skull at a young age. Instead, I married Logan. Poor, short, red-bearded, and cute. He kinda looks like the lead singer from Coldplay. I think I'm better off with him than anyone else.
I thought I would get a job. Instead I invented one. It remains to be seen whether I would have been better off with a "real" job. Yet on that note, I also thought the economy would turn around. I was wrong.
I knew I would have a dog at the earliest possible moment. I was right.
I think I would be surprised to learn that the economy actually gets worse. Much, much worse. I would miss my entire Europe trip and Alaska and the Grand Canyon. I would be VERY shocked to learn I spent three years at BYU. I would not remember my wonderful BYU Law friends or understand what the elements of a contact are--and that would be the worst. Imagine having to RE-learn law school. No thanks. But on the other hand, I will have forgotten having taken the bar exam. That would be nice.
But this is what would actually happen:
1. Olive and I would be fast friends. She would know me, and she's a dog, so I'd instantly love her.
2. Since I was between serious relationships, I could probably transition to liking Logan very quickly. I did then, and he's a WAAAY better guy now. Though I think it would be pretty hilarious to wake up one day believing you're a 19 year old virgin and being told--see that guy? *points to nerdy red-bearded guy* You can have sex with him as MUCH as you want. It's all good! He's seen you naked PLENTY of times! Go for it! And being all like..."uhhhhh......"
3. I would be seriously interested to examine my belongings. I own a Playstation III, a dog, a VitaMix, a house, AND I still have a chalkboard door!?!? THIS IS AMAZING!
4. I would probably spend every waking moment on my iPhone. Because it's just that freaking cool, and even today, I'm impressed by it.
5. And more things. Too tired. Going to bed now.
So I have amnesia that goes back to October 2004, how would you introduce yourself to me? What secrets of the future do you hold?
3 comments:
Hi Motiondesmiths. I'm your funny, beautiful, smart Singles Ward idol that you wanted to befriend but hadn't yet. But you knew me and had a secret crush! Guess what? Turns out we're best friends and we cite each other on our super clever blogs, and we blow off work to go see stupid movies in the expensive theater! Oh, and Redbeard? Yeah, I'm pretty much a member of his family, so now we're family and will be celebrating our holidays together. Yay! Also, it will be MY turn to introduce YOU to The Office. You're welcome.
Hi Motiondesmiths! I'm your intellectual spinster cat-lady friend. We started grad school at the same time and lived together for four whole months before you married Redbeard. We bonded over our mutual distaste for BYU culture, our funny kittens, and our interest in cooking and baking delicious things. If you come hang out at my place, I will cook an elaborate and delicious dinner and dessert for you, and then we will watch some Arrested Development and I will tell you all about how crazy BYU people are. :)
I total forgot about this particularly clever post of yours, and my intention to introduce myself. Hi Motion de Smiths. I'm Lost in Translation. We'll meet in law school (yes, I don't know what we were thinking) and become friends over feminism and frightfully inappropriate conversations.
We are both lovers of good food and we'll spend much of our friendship making and partaking of delicious food together. We will travel long distances to see each other. Despite the distance, we will remain in frequent contact. In fact, we'll be coming to see you in a little more than a month. Hopefully that won't be too much of a shock.
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