The Parrot that did not Cease to Be

I'm just sitting here waiting for my husband to finish up with his appointment. Through nifty stalker technology by Apple, I can tell he has not yet left. It's called Find My Friends, and I'm obsessed. No more awkward coordination calls or texts--just follow your friend around on the map!

Anyway, I bet you're all curious to know why on Earth I'm paying a parrot's vet bills. Well, I'll tell you.

There's this exotic pet store where I buy Olive's food. It's a great store--independently owned and very Eugenian, it had a wallaby and a coatamundi and birds and dogs and the most expensive dog food money can buy. We love it. Dogs are allowed, so I frequently bring Olive to the store so she can be exposed to many animal sights and smells.

And I know what you're thinking: Dog attacked bird in pet store. Well you would be wrong, so stop and just read the story. Olive isn't really the attacking type. She's a mean woof type. She's a the flip out with excitement type. She's a find food on the floor and eat it type. At this pet store, she likes to quietly sniff the caged animals. In the interest of full disclosure, I will say the wallaby concerned her such that she backed away and her hackles were up. But who can blame her? It was the size of a large dog standing on two legs. Highly suspicious.

Anyhow, one week ago, we stopped by for some food. Olive was seated quietly observing the birds when I noticed that one bird was out of its cage. I mentioned it to the owner, who then STUPIDLY brought Lulu the Parrot over to me for closer observation.

If I were exaggerating, I would tell you. So I'm not exaggerating when I say that ALL Olive did was stand on her hind legs to sniff the bird. I made her sit. And then it all happened so fast...

Lulu DIVED off the owner's finger onto Olive's head. Yes. Olive's head. Olive then flipped the bird and somehow in less than a second it was IN HER MOUTH. I'm screaming in horror! The owner is flipping out! Tropical feathers are flying everywhere! I open Olive's mouth and the bird tumbles to the ground, twitching pathetically.

When the situation stabilized, I found myself leaning toward the (ex?)parrot while clutching my incredibly compliant dog's jaws shut. The owner was near tears, cooing and whispering to Lulu and holding her tight. It was truly pathetic. Olive obediently followed me outside. Other than shock, a few lost feathers, and a gimpy leg, Lulu was miraculously okay. Olives 1-inch fangs didn't pierce her skin. Nothing was visibly broken. I volunteered to take care of any vet bills. Just because I didn't want to be a jerk.

Driving away from the store, there was nothing to do but laugh. Olive is such a pathetic hunter, I didn't ever believe she would get a bird in her mouth. Good for her. Anything with such poor survival instincts deserves a microsecond in a dog's mouth.