The State of the Cat

As you probably know, our corpulent cat Mrs. R has been relocated outside for the summer. I know a lot of you are concerned about the callousness that I have shown this creature. In my defense, I want to tell this: She was too fat to clean her own anus. And we had enough of it. To be a pet in our house you may not have anus crusties/drippies. Second, I would like to tell you about her happy new life as an outdoor cat.

We call it Kitty Fat Camp. Okay, that's...actually the first time I've called it that. Nevermind. Point is, Mrs. R has lost a lot of weight by living in the great outdoors/Olive's old kennel. We give her a strict diet of 1/2 C cat food a day, instead of free feeding her as we used to (we were bad parents). If she wants more food, she must catch it. And she does. Watch out backyard moths, Mrs. R is coming for you.

Her level of exercise has quadrupled or more. And yet, she rarely leaves our back yard. She's content to chase moths and stroll around the garden feeling like jungle kitty.

The only thing that has not improved is her appearance. Since Mrs. R has long since forgotten how to groom herself, and since she still enjoys a good flop on the ground, Mrs. R's fur has turned from blinding white to a dirty grey. Her fur is becoming matted, which is nothing new, except this time its become matted with grass clippings and twigs.

Today we took her on a car ride up to her cat sitters. When we stopped over at the pharmacy, she bolted out and under the car. My car is a mini, so the clearance is what? 6 inches? Once I had finally coaxed her out (by her scruff), the heat of the engine singed her greyish white fur. So now, in addition to being a filthy, still pretty hefty, grass-clipping magnet, she now has orange burn spots all over her back. She is truly the most pathetic creature I have ever seen.