I am INVINCIBLE!

I am NEVER able to type "Oregon Secretary of State" correctly on my first try. Ever. My fingers always slip, and I type "Oregon Sex..." and then have to correct it. Every. Damn. Time. I will attribute this to the fact that my poor fingers are freezing.

Other than that, I feel incredibly awesome today.

I consider starting my own law practice a feminist act. After hearing countless old men (they were always men) tell me they weren't hiring, and even if they were, they would only consider hiring litigation grunts. And NOooOOo they would not teach me estate planning because... uh... um... because it's an ART! Yes! And you have to know it to do it and if you don't already know it then we won't teach you to do it (even if we were hiring) and we're not.

As early as yesterday, I was still worried that I did not know enough to make it alone. Then today's estate planning bar listserv emails came rolling in. Experienced attorneys asked each other questions about estate planning issues. As it turns out, they didn't come into this world knowing everything about estate planing.

The kicker: Later in the day, an experienced attorney (who has, oh...35 years under his belt) asked a question that I knew. Me! Genius Me! I was shy, so I privately e-mailed him my idea and he thought it was good. Then the other attorneys chimed in on the listserv with the exact same idea as mine. Only later. Bwahahaha!

Then my attorney client in Portland asked me a probate question. I don't even know HOW I knew it, but I knew it. If he can get his client to commit to a price, I am going to appear for him in probate court. What a lovely new and exciting experience that I earned because I'm awesome. Lalalala.

So why is it that I could forget how awesome I am? How could I tolerate being a simpering idiot hoping for some law firm to show me the way? Is it our sick culture that tells women they are never good enough? Is it the big firm business model that instills in young attorneys a sense of hopelessness and idiocy? Is it just my own personal neuroses?

Whatever it is, I'm not buying it anymore. The next time I doubt myself, I will remember this: I took five(ish) tax classes. I took every estate planning class offered and then pestered the administration until they let me invent another one just for me. I took elder law and business law and that AWFUL mergers and acquisitions class. And I excelled in them. I've written wills and trusts. I've planned estates. So... I think that makes me an estate planner. I may be inexperienced, but I know what I'm doing 90% of the time, and know who to ask for the remaining 10%.

I am free and happy and confident.
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Oh...and still poor :) But I'll take freedom over money for now.